you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize