break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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