oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
