Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
