you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
