i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
