My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
