you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
