I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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