Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
