I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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