I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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