My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
you had me at cake vodka
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
