so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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