I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
