my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
