She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
