Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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