my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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