His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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