Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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