so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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