I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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