my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
