Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
