I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
