How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
