There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
COCAINE IS GR8
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
