Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
