I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
