I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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