i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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