Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
