what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
