why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I believe in your delicious
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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