1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Randomize
