So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
