did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Randomize
