I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
