My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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