ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
