Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
