if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
