She announced her abortion via fbk
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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