i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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