Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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