Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
