he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Randomize
