Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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