i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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