You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
