so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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