They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
