there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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