Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
