apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
