so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
