its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
