I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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