There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm getting married
To pizza
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
