Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
