I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
