yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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