Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
