I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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