The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
you didnt know i had herpes?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
