Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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