i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
