well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
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