During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize