8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize