Someone shit on the floor
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
