My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
